Apologies and empathy seem to be losing any value because the expression itself is largely meaningless. I thought I’d cover what actually constitutes an apology in this entry because there is a big difference between apologizing and saying you are sorry.
An apology in its Greek roots means a speech of defense. In other words, it explains some prior action. In modern terms however an apology is, “A sincere acknowledgement of responsibility, wrongdoing, and regret.”
Aaron Lazare’s book “On Apology” sums up the power of apologies better than I could:
“One of the most profound human interactions is the offering and accepting of apologies. Apologies have the power to heal humiliations and grudges, remove the desire for vengeance, and generate forgiveness on the part of the offended parties. For the offender they can diminish the fear of retaliation and relieve the guilt and shame that can grip the mind with a persistence and tenacity that are hard to ignore. The result of that apology process, ideally, is the reconciliation and restoration of broken relationships.”
A few concepts stand out:
- Sincerity - Is the apology out of duty or some social expectation? Does the apology satisfy the feels of the offended or does it merely cleanse the conscience of the offender? Too often, I hear the words I’m sorry without any context as if that’s supposed to cure some ill. In fact, an insincere apology is more likely to widen a gap as it is to close it. Being wronged, and then having that followed up by with an insincere apology rubs salt in the wound.
- Reconciliation - An apology is not a reconcilitation, but it is the first step towards that end. Apologies are the vocalization of a recognition that a wrong has occurred. This simple step is only the first part of a larger process. When a wrong has occurred, the next step is working to resolve the problem or take some other action to ensure it won’t happen again.
Understanding those two components of the actual apology itself should inform the next part of the apology. Action to ensure the wrong doesn’t happen again.
Let’s look at an example:
John walks into a store to buy a pair of shoes. He is given prompt service and happily finds the shoes he wants to buy. When he walks to the register, however, his salesperson is nowhere to be found and the cashier rings up the wrong price for the shoes. When John gets home he realizes the problem and calls the store. The store manager apologizes for the problem and hangs up.
The correct action would be to offer the customer to correct the situation in a manner amenable to him. This example, of course, is a bit obsurd. I have seen this happen though where a completely fixable solution was not offered as a part of the apology further lowering the opinion of the offender by the offended.
So when giving an apology I think it’s critical to offer the following:
- A sincere apology that both notes the specific offense and shows some kind of empathy toward the offended person.
- A recognition of a situation that caused the problem.
- A statement about what will be done to correct the problem both immediately and if appropriate in the future.
Returning to our example of John and shoe store an appropriate apology might have been:
John I’m sorry that we didn’t catch the problem during checkout because I know calling me is the last thing you wanted to do today. You are correct that you were not given the appropriate price and we want to fix that for you. When would be a good time for you to come in and have this taken care of? I hope you’ll shop with us again, I’ll be working with all our employees to double check the scanned price against the sticker on the side of the shoebox in the future.
Those are some simple statements that go beyond giving an apology. The store manager accepts that there was a problem while recognizing the effect on John. An opportunity to correct the problem immediately was offered to John and more importantly the store manager recognized a problem that could be addressed in the long run as well.
Apologies can be powerful customer experiences when handled both correctly and incorrectly. Think about the last time you had a great customer service experience. Was it when something went well from start to finish or was it when something went wrong and the person went above and beyond to help resolve the situation?
Just keep the 3 tips I’ve provided in mind and you’ll have a much better chance at preserving your business and personal relationships.
Leave a Reply